We're Finally Complete!

It is so hard for me to put into words just how blessed we feel right now. Our little family is finally complete. We're not just a couple anymore. Or the couple with a baby. We're actually a little family. Today was hard. SOOOOOOOOOOO hard. But if you've followed my blog you knew that it would be. I didn't sleep well last night. Which is no surprise.

We had to be at the agency at 10:30 this morning to sign the paperwork. Then we were going over to the hospital with the caseworker to pick up our baby girl. B. was supposed to be released at noon, so we figured this would give us time to get all of the discharge red tape done and spend a few minutes with her before we left.

The first part of the day went well. At the agency the caseworker had everything ready so all we had to do was sign and date about a million different forms and go over some legal jargon. (Side note: we got some super exciting news that the agency has changed their policy. We no longer have to wait six months to finalize the adoption. We can begin legal proceedings to finalize as soon as the birth mother signs her termination which should be within the next two weeks.)

When we arrived at the hospital just after 11, we were told that the hospital's social worker and notary wouldn't be arriving until noon. We were asked to wait at the nurses station because B. was really starting to get emotional and wanted to spend some time alone with the baby. We absolutely respected that, so we just tried our best to keep Gideon occupied while we visited with our case worker (who was in and out of her room during this time.) Fortunately we'd brought along a few new presents and toys for Gideon, so he was pretty good for a while.

My only frustration with the entire day came with the hospital staff. It just seemed like they couldn't get it together. Seriously. For two hours we sat and waited. After half an hour the social worker showed up and said a nurse was going to come and get us started on the discharge procedures. But it was still another 45 minutes before that happened. (By this time our two year old was hungry for lunch and starting to climb the walls because he was bored. They were nice enough to scrounge up some cookies for him which I appreciated.) Finally at 12:15 we started the discharge proceedings. First they left us in a room with a video on baby CPR, choking, etc. Then when the video was over, we told them we were done and it was still another 20 minutes before they came in with the paperwork. (At this point Gideon was trying to push all the buttons a vitals monitor that had been left out.) We finally finished the paper work and were told to wait AGAIN while they checked with the birth mom and caseworkers. At 12:55 we were taken back to see B.

B. was sobbing hard when we entered the room. Gideon was so excited to see the baby again, he tried giving her all of his new toys. When Gideon was placed with us, we visited with B. and her family for about an hour before placement actually happened. Today we only spent about 5 minutes with her. She and her dad were there. She and I were both crying. And we barely spoke. There was no need for words. Nothing we could say was going to make it better. Finally she kissed Parker and handed her to me. I hugged and kissed her and we gathered all of our things and left the room.

They had to take Parker back to the nursery to take the clamp off of her cord, so that gave us an opportunity to dress her in her new outfit Nana bought especially to bring her home in.

Doesn't she look like the sweetest thing ever!?!?!?! (Note: See Gideon's Ice Age Beanie babies. He was so excited he kept giving them to her!)

Gideon jumped, and skipped and yelled happily all the way out of the hospital. He was so thrilled we were taking his baby home!

In the car big brother actually got upset because their car seats are on either side of the car and he wasn't close enough to touch her. But by this time it was 1:15 and he was tired and cranky anyway. He actually fell asleep on the way home.

At home, Parker had a great welcoming committee....Aunt Skye...

Grandma Cindy

Grandpa (who's been sick with a cold and wanted to make sure he didn't infect her.)

And Trav's cousin Deeann who I somehow didn't manage to get a photo of.

It's been a busy and emotional day. But we're so happy and excited to have her home with us at last. I told Travis on the way home from the hospital that I'm glad this is it for us. There's just no way I can go through this again. So I feel so blessed to have two such beautiful and healthy kids. It's more than I deserve!

What does Gideon think?

"Mom, look! It's a baby!"

"Shhhh...She's Sleeping. Can I hold her please!"
"See I'm very good at holding her, I'll be very still."

"Okay fine. Daddy can have a turn, but just a short one."

"Please let me hold her by myself. Please, please, please!"

"I love you baby sister."

"I will take care of you always."

"No! No! No! We have to take baby home. We can't leave her here! That's MY baby!"

A Birthday and a BIRTHday!

Parker got more presents today. Didn't I tell you I had super talented friends! And these came with a blanket for the car seat and a handmade hooded towel! JeNae you're awesome! Thank you so much!

I pretty much spent the day pacing and compulsively checking my phone for updates from the hospital. I was practically climbing the walls if you want to know the truth! Unfortunately things were progressing very slowly. But we went out to dinner tonight, then came home with the rest of the family for cake and presents.

Gideon was so thrilled, I'm sure he thought the party was for him. (Because when you're two you tend to think every party is for you, right?

At any rate he helped me blow out the candles. And open presents. I got a set of china from my parents that used to belong to my great-grandmother (who would be turning 110 years old on Wednesday if she hadn't died 20 years ago.) So that was cool. I also got a bottle of perfume and some new clothes. All in all a good birthday.

While everyone was over and we were celebrating we got the message that Parker was born at 8:25 pm. She was 6 lbs 13 oz and they said to come on down for a visit. We promptly kissed Gideon goodbye and ran out on the party! We got to the hospital a little after nine (she wasn't even an hour old yet!) And the first thing the nurse did was make us a duplicate set of prints! YAY!

And here she is! The best birthday present EVER!!!!! Miss Parker Holland herself. She does have some dark hair, but at this point she hadn't even been washed yet, so we don't know for sure how long she is or anything.

She is gorgeous and bright-eyed, just like her big brother was!

The birthday girls!

I think daddy was just a little bit afraid he'd break her because she's so tiny. I'm sure he'll get used to her.

Anyway, we stayed at the hospital for about 45 minutes and then decided to go home so they could all get some rest. (I'm doubtful if I'll get any sleep tonight, but hey, as my dad always says "No rest for the wicked and the righteous don't need it.") We're going back up to visit again tomorrow afternoon. As of right now we're planning on placement happening Wednesday morning. That's when they should be released from the hospital. I'll be sure and post more tomorrow when we know more!

My Last Birthday

So tomorrow will be my last birthday. It's not because I'm getting older (although I certainly wouldn't mind freezing right here.) See two years ago on my birthday, Gideon officially became part of our family when he was sealed to us. Now, tomorrow, on my birthday, our daughter will be born. (At least that's the plan anyway. We found out the other day that they're scheduled to induce B. first thing in the morning.)

Anyway, how do you top that!?!?!?!?! I mean seriously, the two greatest gifts EVER on my birthday! There's no reason to ever have another one. I already have everything I've ever wanted.

Are your friends this talented?

I seriously have the most talented friends ever! Look at what cute stuff Parker got in the mail this week! All handmade with love by a dear friend. Ashley, you're a rock star! Love you guys and thanks so much!

Parker got Presents!

So a week before she's even due & Parker got a haul! We got two special packages in the mail yesterday. The first was from Grandma Peggy.

Seriously, my 84 year old grandmother cross-stitched this blanket for her. She does one for every great-grandchild. I love this woman for oh so many reasons.

The other package was from my sister Cami, (Aunt Mimi to all her nieces and nephews.)
Aren't these the cutest onesies ever! And look! Ruffles on the butt! I so am loving this girly stuff!

Cami makes lots of hairbows and flowers and clips. Some of them blend in with the table so you can't see them very well, but trust me, they're all adorable!

My very favorite though, are the Aloha dresses. I sent her a couple of Trav's old Hawaiin shirst (don't worry honey, I only sent the ones you don't wear anymore) and voila! We now have two little sundresses (with matching hair bows!) Seriously could they be any cuter!?!?!

Finished!

Back in April I posted pictures of the new blanket I was making as a gift for B. Thanks to my mom it's finally done! We put minkee on the back so that it would be super soft to curl up with. I think it turned out pretty cute!

Good Morning Starshine...

...The World Says Hello!

Am I Ready For This?

As I sit here tonight, two weeks away from the due date of our baby girl, I find myself increasingly restless. I don't know what it's like to go through the stages of a normal pregnancy, but I've heard of things like "nesting." I can't say I'm really feeling that right now, although I have started to try and get my house cleaned up and keep it clean (not an easy task with a very active 2 year old running around, but I'm making the effort anyway.)

With Travis far away, basketball season two months off and my normal distractions (running, reading, watching old movies) not really working, I find myself worrying more and more each day about weather I'm ready for this upcoming challenge. I'm not talking about having a new baby. I feel fairly confident that I can handle that part even with an active toddler. I mean lots of women before me have done it, so I'm pretty sure I'm not less capable than they are. No, what I'm worried about is the emotional challenge.

You see I love B. I adore her. I think she's one of the strongest, most beautiful and definitely most capable women I've ever met. As I've gotten to know her better over the last two years, my admiration for her talents and abilities and wonderful spirit have only grown. So for that reason I kind of dread the day that's fast approaching.

March 30, 2008 was both the best and worst day of my life. On the one hand, we got to bring home this perfect baby boy. Something we'd prayed for and hoped for more than you can imagine. This wonderful gift we'd been given by a loving Heavenly Father and a selfless young woman. And it was because of that young woman that it was also the most difficult thing I've ever done. To see her in so much pain, spiritually and emotionally speaking was heart wrenching. To know that our opportunity to become a family and our eternal happiness was the cause of so much heart break for another family is something that I don't even have words to describe. To know that this child belongs with you and your family, but you have to take him from another woman's arms is something you just can't understand until you've experienced it.

Back then B. was simply a sweet girl who was making the ultimate sacrifice. We loved she and her family for their selflessness and willingness to do what was really the hardest thing anyone can ever be asked to do. And please understand, it wasn't just B. who made this sacrifice. Her parents, sisters, nieces and nephews were all affected by her decision to place Gideon with us. And in that room on that day, every one of them who was present shed many tears as they had to say goodbye to that perfect baby boy.

I cried too. More than I've ever cried in my entire life. I felt like a sponge who'd been wrung completely dry and still the tears kept coming. My joy. Their pain. It was all one major emotional melt down. And yet somehow I had to try and be the strong one.

And before the end of the month I'll have to do it all over again. Only this time, could be much, much worse. Have you ever, either with a careless remark, thoughtless gesture, or even in a moment of anger, hurt someone you love? For me, it's the worst feeling in the entire world. To know that I caused someone I care about to hurt or feel bad or even cry. And yet that's exactly what I have to do in a couple of weeks. I have to hurt someone I love. B. and her family aren't just a bunch of sweet people to us anymore. They're special. We've spent time with them, we've exchanged letters and pictures. We've gotten to know them. It was hard back when they were just acquaintances, to take this baby and walk away, seeing all of them hurting so badly. But now they're friends.

I don't know exactly how things will play out on that day. There's very little about the adoption process that you can count on for sure. But two things I know without a doubt. 1. This child is meant for us. I've known since the moment we learned about B.'s pregnancy that this was my daughter (in my mind there was never a question of the gender, I knew we were getting a girl.) This is the child who will make our family complete. And 2. I have to hurt people I love very much in order to get my baby girl.

Goodbye Sweet Summer! We'll Miss You!

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of winter. I love summer. And the hotter the better. Which of course means that I definitely live in the wrong state! But I won't get into all of that again right now. We've already had a full two weeks of cooler fall weather. We did get a slight reprieve on Friday & Saturday this weekend though, so at least we could send it out in style.

First though, we had a little surprise when we found out Wednesday that Trav would get to be home for the holiday weekend. And what did you bring us from Alaska daddy?

Oh nothing! Gideon just wants to make sure he gets to go with you next time.

Saturday we drove out to Gray's Lake for a rodeo. The small hometown kind of rodeo I grew up on. It was fun. We had a great dutch oven lunch before the fun started, then we got to watch all kinds of good stuff. And it only started raining for about the last 20 minutes or so. That's Gideon with my parents, for those who were wondering.

And in this picture we have the side of Trav's face and Michael Egloff and Hillary Crawford. Friends of the family who are both out here attending BYU-I. They met at my parents' house on Thursday, came with us Saturday and had a date today.....

Gideon of course enjoyed playing with Chi Chi.

Since the cabin is actually right on the way to Gray's Lake, we went up there for the rest of the weekend.

We even took munchkin on a little hike.

He got a little ride from daddy when it got too tough.

But he was a trooper and insisted on walking the rest of the way down.

Today we went out to lunch with B. & her mother. Aren't they super cute!

She seems to be doing well for having only 2 1/2 weeks left to go. We had a great visit and enjoyed getting to spend the time with them.

And that was how we bid farewell to summer!