"Congratulations! You're Last!"

In 2009 I was 50 pounds overweight and struggling to train for my first ever race. The idea of being able to run an entire 5K without walking was overwhelming. I couldn't. In fact, I didn't. My first few races were a walk/run and very slow.

3 short years later and I've managed to lose 40 pounds of that weight (that last pesky 10 pounds seems like it wants to stay glued to me forever! BAH!) And I've run every distance of race between a 5K up to a full marathon. And having done that I can state with much confidence that the Menan Buttes Trail Challenge is the hardest race I've ever done. Last year I ran the 12.5K and barely survived. So this year I came back and decided to tackle the 25K. That's right. I'm such a glutton for punishment that not only did I repeat the course that "Trail Runner" magazine has called the "Toughest race in Idaho" but I doubled the distance.

See here's the butte. It doesn't look so bad from down here, but that first mile is brutal!!! A 700 ft climb before you've hit 9 tenths! Everyone is walking within the first few steps.

We got lucky with the weather this year. It's been unseasonably warm. So the start line was a balmy 55-ish. (In past years it's still been snowing so that's a big improvement.) It got warm fast though. And I'm blaming the great weather for the abundance of people there today. Last year it was pretty much just people affiliated with the race, but today there were scout troops and college kids in abundance. (Stupid BYU-Idaho! I totally forgot that dragging an adventurous co-ed up switchbacks to the top of a volcano is a preferred date for broke college boys.)

The course is pretty easy but can be confusing if you're not familiar with the terrain. After you've reached the top of the butte, you drop down into the calderra. In fact, the only flat spots on the entire race are when you're down running through the crater. It's the only time in the whole race when you can just open up and flat out run.

You come out on the south rim, run around it, drop back down into the crater, come out the north rim and run around it until you get to the service road under the R which you run a mile down then turn around and run back up. Finish your loop around the north rim, drop back down into the calderra and run the south rim again, back down the face to the parking lot. If you're running the 12.5K (the most popular distance by a long way) you're done! Hooray! But if you're one of us 6 brave (or stupid) souls who entered the 25K, you get to turn around and do the whole thing again! The plus side is that at the halfway mark for us they had the usual array of water, sports drinks, oranges & bananas, but also preztel sticks & m&m's. (Someone must have read my mind!)

This is down in the crather and actually one of the widest points of the entire trail. Most of it is single track.

Those of you familiar with the area, can you spot the Cunningham Family Hacienda? It's there!

This run is so different from any kind of road race and even trail race most people are used to because there are sections of it where you can't run at all. You're climbing up rocks.

Yep. You get to climb up that. And it takes all four limbs! It's deceptive though, because once you reach the top you see this:

Which also takes hands and feet to scale.

It's kind of beautiful in a way. I mean if you're into sage brush and lava rock. I'm not, but after deliriously running miles and miles through it, I can appreciate it's distinctive features.

My personal favorite part of the run is along the north rim. I love the views from there and the terrain is conducive to running with just a few small spots of climbing to mix it up.

This is the north rim. Or well, my view from it today!

More north rim. I don't know why I like this section so much but I do! I ended up finishing dead last of the half dozen who did the long distance. But it worked out okay. I got a prize for being the caboose! (See Gideon holding it below!) And a free pair of Montrail running shoes because I kept going and didn't quit. I told the race director my grandmother is the Energizer Bunny, so it must be in my genes.

Oh and one more thing about this run, you don't ever want to wear good running shoes or clothes because you pretty much just end up caked in dust and dirt thanks to the fact that the wind never stops blowing here. Anyway I'm super sore, but I feel great because I finished really strong. And hey, I ran 15.5 miles up and down a volcano today. What did you do?

Well...He does have a point....

I remember vividly the first time I ever used a curse word. I was 6 and still in kindergarten. I was trying to get undressed and my shirt was stubbornly refusing to cooperate. With one arm sticking out the top and one pinned to my side and my head buried in fabric somewhere in between I marched out to the living room calling for help. To emphasize my displeasure I stated to all within earshot, including my younger sisters (of whom there were only three at this point) that "I don't even know why in the hell I put this shirt on in the first place."

My mother instantly grew still and with a fury in her eyes I have only seeeen a hanful of times since, demanded to know where I had learned that word. Still stuck in the shirt and confused by her vehemnence at a word that I'm pretty sure I'd heard my grandpa say at least twice a day for my entire life, my bravado waned. "I don't know," I whispered.

"Well!" She snapped, reaching up and ripping the shirt from my head only barely avoiding taking my ears off with it, "That is not a nice word and I don't ever want to hear you use it again!"

I knew she was serious by her tone and withering glance so I said yes ma'am and scurried back to my bedroom, never to revisit the incident again. (Imagine my confusion though the following Sunday at church when I heard the word hell used from the pulpit no less than twice.)

Yesterday afternoon when Gideon dropped his candy and he said "Damn" I didnt bother to question where he heard it. I simply sighed deeply while Travis and his mom looked on curiously whispering, "He didn't hear it from me," and "Well we really do need to start watching what we say," and "I hope he doesn't say any other words he's heard me say." It wasn't worth getting upset or angry over. I simply looked at my sweet son and calmly explained that isn't a nice word and we really shouldnt use it. Instead we should say "Darn" or "Bummer" or even "Rats."

Without a trace of guile my four year old looked me square in the eye and said, "But mommy, beavers build dams."

Damn that kid is smart.

Easter 2012

So last weekend while Travis was home we had our egg-coloring party. The toughest part was keeping Parker away from the die. She seriously just wanted to stick her whole hand into it.

Gideon picked out this egg kit with the face stickers and I honestly think his favorite part was putting a face on each egg and naming it.

And then they sat in the fridge for a week until the Easter bunny could come and hide them. Which of course he did last night.

Unfortunately, I have no pictures of the egg hunt or the "before" pictures of the Easter baskets, because the morning (and last night) just didn't go as planned. I got no sleep. It was nearly 5am, before I finally drifted off. So when Gideon came running up to my room at 6:30 shouting loudly that the Easter Bunny had brought treats, I just wasn't even awake yet. He was very good about not touching anything until I gave him permission to go through his basket. I was hoping that would keep him occupied enough to let me sleep for a few more minutes. But every 60 seconds or so he came tearing back up the stairs, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Look what I got!!!!" So finally after about 10 minutes I just got up. By that time Parker was make lots of noise and clearly ready to be up as well.

And that's when things got really crazy. She immediately started spotting the eggs that Easter bunny had hidden and proceed to pick them up and throw them across the room as hard as she could. So we literally dumped stuff out of Gideon's basket and sent him on a wild chase to find all of the eggs as quickly as he could before Parker could destroy them all. (By this time I realized I was not going to make it through the morning without Advil and caffiene.)

Anyway we managed to get Parker to eat some applesauce before she tore into the candy, but only because we put the candy up high and trapped her in the high chair. Gideon however ate Jelly Beans, Marshmallow Peeps and a giant chocolate bunny for breakfast. (Which he proudly informed me he at all by himself. I was shocked because I was trying to fix my hair and get my face put on and didn't even realize he'd opened it.) Needless to say, he was buzzed.

Parker's Easter jammies were some that Nana found on clearance and saved for her. Aren't they sweet!

Anyway, so here's the aftermath....

Anyway after the mad egg hunt/race and the basket grab, I went to work getting dessert ready for dinner tonight. The kids were a big help of course, especially when it came to cleaning the beaters.

And then Jesse & Kelly came over with Tyree and Ryan who's in town for a few days gathering up some of he and Skye's stuff from mom & daddy's house. And Trav's parents came and we had our traditional Easter morning breakfast of Goldenrod (aka creamed eggs over toast.) I realize now that when we were growing up, the reason we always had goldenrod on Easter was to use up all of the hard boiled eggs. But it's such a tradition in my family now, that none of us can imagine Easter morning without it. Sadly I was busy getting food ready and never did take any photos of everyone here for breakfast. But it was a nice relaxing morning with my family that I very much enjoyed.

After everyone left, it was time to get ready for church. Gideon has been asking to wear his new suit to church for two weeks, so he was the first one dressed. That's him holding up the petticoat Nana made last year for Parker, which she still wore under her Easter dress today.

Aren't they darling!!!! I may be biased, but I do have the cutest kids!!!

See we actually got one decent-ish family photo! Which is amazing considering Gideon was climbing the walls with a sugar buzz and Parker hadn't had a nap yet and was coming unglued.

After church we went to Trav's parents house for dinner and then enjoyed the afternoon with them before Travis had to leave to head back down to Soda Springs for work. With the exception of my monster headache that I can't seem to get rid of, we're calling it a success.

It's been......forever.....

It's been so long, I don't even know where to begin. So I guess I'll just randomly put up some photos and hope you can all follow along. In January and February we had Gideon participating in indoor soccer.

He really loved it although he did inform me during his final game of the season that next time he wants to play "Outsides Soccer." Okay duly noted, and we'll plan on that for this spring & summer.

Currently he's taking swimming lessons again which he loves and we've enrolled him to start preschool this fall. I can't believe my baby will be in Pre-K this fall! Seriously it's unreal! On the plus side though, after 10 months of anger, tears, frustration and basically giving up on my part, he potty trained himself. He just woke up one morning and said he wanted to wear underpants. That was 6 weeks ago and he's only had like 4 accidents in that period and none in the last two weeks. I don't even have to remind him to go usually he just does it on his own. I guess he was ready.

The Museum of Idaho brought back "A T-Rex Named Sue" and other dinosaur related exhibits, so Trav & I took Gideon to see it at the end of Feburary. It was actually really cool and one of my favorite exihibits at the museum thus far. I learned a lot anyway. And Sue is HUGE!!! It's almost surreal to think that dinosaurs like that really did roam th earth. WOW!!!!

I didn't get very good pictures becuase I was too busy watching Gideon and checking everything out for myself. But we got the opportunity to go back a couple of weeks later when my sister, Cami arrived with her brood to stay with us for a few weeks. (They're moving from Florida to New Mexico and are currently "homeless" while they wait to close on their new house. So it made sense for her to come hang out with us instead of trying to wrangle 3 kids in a hotel room day after day. We're very happy they're here and have been enjoying their visit very much.) Anyway, Cami got some good pictures during her visit so I'll try and get copies of those. I've noticed since she's been here that I haven't taken very many photos at all, since she's the one with the big fancy camera and always seems to have it handy when we need it.

On March 12 Travis and I celebrated 10 years of wedded bliss. Or something like that.

Well anyway we've been married for 10 years which is something. Although we didn't do much to mark the occasion. Trav's currently working in Soda Springs, so he makes it home most weekends. We went out to lunch on the Saturday before and then to visit his father in the hospital (who was recovering from a recent surgery.) So yeah that was it.

I tried to count up the number of days we've actually spent together in a decade of marriage, but after I realized how many we've spent apart I got kind of depressed and bagged that idea. In honor of that discovery I changed my phone ring tone to "Jet Lag" by Simple Plan and called it good. (If you're not familiar with the song you can go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntSBKPkk4m4&ob=av2e to see the video. It's a cute song and somewhat appropriate for us I think.)

In between everything else, we've still been having the same struggles with Parker's respiratory issues. Her asthma got so bad one weekend that we ended up administering 13 breathing treatments in a two day period. So back to the doctor we went.

She's now on an inhaled & liquid steriod as we try and get it under control so that we can figure out what her triggers are. Plus they're running tests to rule out Cystic Fibrosis and other diseases. The doctor has even talked to us about the possiblity of having to take her down to SLC to meet with a pediatric pulmonary specialist. He's hoping we won't have to resort to that, but right now it's still very much a possibility. Otherwise, she's doing great. She definitely takes after her brother in that she's energetic, smart & into EVERYTHING! She can be a little bit of a pill sometimes, but she's so funny I usually end up going pretty easy on her. Now if we can just get her breathing trouble sorted out, it would be great!

And finally this month Gideon turned 4 on Tuesday the 20th. He was a little spoiled because he actually got two birthdays. One Saturday night with the family while daddy was home and another on Tuesday at the Arctic Circle with his friends. (I don't think I have any pictures of that one, but I did get a few shots of his "Transformers" cupcakes which he insisted on having.)

This is the party at Nana's house. Since Grandpa was only home from the hospital a couple of days, he didn't feel like getting up and going out anywhere, so we took the party to him.

He's enjoyed having his cousins here to play with and celebrate with him.

And I think that's about it from here for now. Hopefully I won't let two months lapse before I update again. I blame it on my usual winter hibernation period. I'm so tired of being cold I just don't want to do anything. I'm itching for spring and can't wait for warmer weather!

Done!

I know, I know, I know, I haven't posted anything new in ages. I guess my only excuse is that I've felt really boring lately. Well boring isn't the right word. But who really wants to hear about Trav's layoff, going to work for another company for 3 weeks and then going back to his old job? Or Gideon's potty training ups and downs? Or the starter going out on my car? Or Parker's frequent trips to the Dr. for breathing issues? Or my running? That's the kind of stuff we've been doing lately. Same stuff as always I guess.

This isn't so much an update on us. It's more just midnight musings about something that's been increasingly on my mind. I don't know why it seems to happen so much lately, but people keep asking us if we're going to try and adopt another baby. I don't really mind the question, it's not like it offends us or anything. It's just that I feel like they're probably disappointed with our answer. Because the short version is: No. We're Done.

Keep reading for the long answer.

I think most of my siblings plan on having at least 3 children (many of them more than that) so while they still have babies in their future, I've been dividing up all of my baby stuff among them as soon as Parker outgrows it. I may not be the first in my family to have children (not by a long way) but I'm the first to be officially done having kids. See ever since I was very young (like Jr. High) I really felt very strongly that I'd only have two children. Being the oldest of such a large family, I think that most people just assume that you're great with kids and you're going to have a lot of your own. It's not so much that I didn't want children, I just felt that I wouldn't have very many. I was a little embarrassed and felt almost selfish for feeling that way, so when people would ask I'd usually say, "Well I guess I'll start with two and see how it goes from there." When Travis confided that he only ever wanted two children I felt validated for the first time in my entire life.

No one could have predicted what the future held for us, but after the devastation of infertility nearly wrecked us, we were somehow blessed with the two most amazing kids on earth. I don't think it's something you can understand unless you've been through an adoption but most days I sort of forget they're adopted. I mean they're just my kids. I'm not afraid to talk about adoption, we don't keep it hidden. We're open and honest about it with everyone. But with every fibre of my being I know that these two children were meant to be mine. So it doesn't matter how they got here. Adoption is an amazing and special journey and I feel very blessed to have been a part of it. But that's a different post for another day.

From the moment Gideon was placed in my arms by his sweet birth mom I knew he was meant to be mine. We felt so blessed and whole as a family, that as he grew, Travis and I were hesitant to begin the adoption process again. We felt strongly there was another child for us, but we were both afraid. The adoption process is kind of a gamble sometimes. You worry constantly if you'll be chosen again. You worry that it won't go smoothly. You worry that you love your child so much you won't have room in your heart for another one. You worry and you stress and you worry about oh so many things I won't go into right now.

On March 18, 2010, we got that famous phone call that changed everything. From the moment we found out Gideon's birth mom was expecting again and wanted us to adopt the baby I knew two things for certain. 1. This baby was going to be a girl 2. This would be the baby to complete our family.

Almost as soon as we brought Parker home, people began asking if this was it for us, or if we were going to try for more kids. For months I just said, "I don't know. We'll see." Immediately after finalizing her adoption, our lawyer even asked if we would be open to another adoption in the future, in case he came across any situation in his line of work that he might feel was right for us. Standing in the courtroom I felt overwhelmed by the question and kind of stammered out "Well.....I guess if something comes up....call us....we'll have to see what happens...."

As we drove home that day Travis said, "You weren't serious about that were you? I mean you don't really want another baby do you?" Truthfully I didn't, but to that point, I was a little afraid to admit to people that we were in fact DONE.

But I'm finally to a point where I can just admit outloud what I've known forever, this is it for us. This is our family. And I can honestly say I've never felt more complete in my life than I have the past 17 months.

So when people ask if we're going to try and adopt again my answer is pretty clear, "No we're not going to try for another one. We're very blessed and feel like we have the family we're supposed to have." For most people it doesn't stop there. Typically the next question is, "Well what if someone contacts you? And wants you to adopt a baby?" I have an answer for that one too. It's along the lines of "I know at least a dozen amazing couples trying to build their families through adoption, let me give you some information." Because honestly that's how I feel.

It's a little bittersweet sometimes, I'll admit. Even though I know this is my family and I wouldn't change it for anything, sometimes I do get a little wistful knowing that there are no more babies out there for me. As they grow I'm sure I'll have a few moments of sadness when I realize I won't ever relive this phase of life with other children. I guess in some ways it makes me grateful for all of the little moments and milestones in my kids' lives, because this is it for me. One boy. One girl. It's the perfect family I always dreamed of. Done.