Moms birthday

Gideon crying because Cami took a piece of the wrong cake.

Oscar the grouch cake picked out by Gideon, actually he picked them both out.

Helping Daddy

Daddy had lots of help in the flower beds today... I'm not even sure what all they were doing, but both kids were happy to help.

Sidebar: Gideon's in this new phase where he tells me, "Mommy I'm camping out." And he drags his tent & stuff into the yard and pretends to sleep in it.

The neighbor came & tried to help them figure out how to fix the light post.

And one final note, Princess P is officially crawling now. She's kind of slow, but she definitely gets where she needs to go.

As for these photos, there are very few times when both Trav and I are dressed nicely and have someone around to snap a picture.

Unfortunately we were dressed up today because Trav's aunt passed away on Friday and today we had her service and family luncheon to attend. My mom stayed with the kids and then I got in trouble with all of the relatives for not bringing them. Oh well, you can't win them all right?

Gideon playing on the highway-the old one, usually underwater

Took Gideon fishing up at Palisades for the day and only caught a stick fish

Eating lunch at Nana's house at Palisades.

Eagle sitting on the fence, and Gideon slept through it.

Gideon fishing, only caught a few log fish

mud slide

Falls at Fall Creek

Precious Faces

This morning started with a mishap. Parker & Gideon woke up way too early this morning. Gideon is fairly easy to please, I got his breakfast & turned on some cartoons and left him to his own devices. I got the baby a bottle and put her in bed with us because we were too tired. Anyway she fell back asleep and when Trav & I got up I put pillows on either side thinking that would keep her safe. Long story short I didn't hear her wake up even when I was listening and there was a loud crash and lots of screaming. Parker had rolled off our bed. You can't see it very well in this photo, but her poor cheek is cut & bruised. I feel like such a terrible mother! She's been fine the rest of the day though. She's recovered more quickly than I have.

Tonight I was too lazy to cook so we went to Applebee's for kids' night. Free face painting and .99 Cent kids' meals. It's a win-win.

As you can see, Gideon decided to go with Spiderman.

That's our friend Emily her family came with us. We had a great fun, ate well and came home with tired kids! Win-win-win!

Big Day for this "Big Boy!"

Well Gideon's day started with a victory. He used the toilet so we got to fill in the last remaining spot on his "Potty Chart." It has taken literally WEEKS to fill this thing because, well, he's still figuring it out.

Anyway, he was pretty excited and danced around with it for a while and then he got his prize. Months ago he had seen this Handy Manny Tool Bench on sale and when I found it 75% off on clearance, we decided this would be the perfect "potty" motivation. So we kept it in the storage room and every time we fill another space on the chart Gideon would talk about his "Handy Manny Prize."

And it's been a big hit! He absolutely loves it. And it does way more than I ever expected. Manny talks and gives directions and all the little pieces actually fit together to "build" different items there are blueprints for. It's pretty cool.

After playing with his tools all day he went with me to the grocery store, then helped daddy mow the lawn. And this evening we went to my parents' house for dinner. (Yes, they're finally home!) Their cat had kittens about a week ago so Gideon got to "help" grandma with the "baby kittys," so that was really fun for him. And we all know how much Gideon hates getting his hair cut, but I was tired of it being so shaggy. So with Jesse and Grandma to help, he got a hair cut.

The funny thing is, he hates hair cuts, but he loves cleaning up the mess. What a goofy kid.

But of course, the best part about getting hair cuts at grandma's house is taking a bath in her "special" tub. He loves it because he uses the jets and makes TONS of bubbles.

It was a very successful, albeit busy day for him. But he really is becoming such a big boy!

?????????

Yesterday I posted a lovely little update about the sunshine with fun photos of my beautiful babies.

Where did it Go??????

I certainly didn't remove it! But I don't know how to get it back. Guess you'll have to go to my facebook page to see the note. Bummer...

Basking....

...In the glory that is food now that this 7 month old has a tooth. Just one. On the bottom. And at the moment it's barely through the gum so I haven't been able to get a good picture of it. But she's been eating better. Mostly baby foods, but she likes to gum breadsticks and french fries and other soft foods to pieces.

Like today at 5 Guys. Nana took the kids to get their pictures taken this morning and afterward, out for burgers and fries.

After lunch we've been basking in the sunshine! It's supposed to hit 70 today for the first time in like 200 days. You'd better believe we're going to take advantage!

Gideon insisted on pushing the stroller for most of our walk this afternoon. He kept saying "Mommy you go bye-bye. I push. I'm a big boy." (By the way that's his new thing, if you ask him his name he'll say "Big Boy." If you say "Okay let's go baby," He'll say, "No baby. Me a big boy!")

Nana and Grandpa are out picking up their new car right now, so after they get back we're going to head to the store and then out for ice cream I think (but no food in the new car, of course!) So pretty close to a perfect day! And we're basking in it!

Bittersweet

See this girl:

And this boy:

These beautiful babies are the most precious things in the world to me!

I love being a mother. But I kind of hate Mother's Day. I know, I know that's complete blasphemy for me to admit, especially on Mother's Day. But it's just a really hard day for me.

For years it was because Mother's Day was painful. When you're a woman who's reached a certain age and has been married a certain amount of years, the only accessory people seem to look for on your arm is a child. And when all of your attempts to obtain a child either biologically or otherwise, seem not to have panned out, Mother's Day can just seem like a painful reminder of all your failures.

I thought my feelings about this day would change once I became a mother. But in 2008 with a six week old Gideon in my arms was easily my most emotional Mother's day ever. I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude. Both for the chance to be his mother and for the young girl and her family who had sacrificed so much to make me a mother. In addition to the gratitude though, I felt a bit of pain of sadness. Knowing just how much that sacrifice had hurt that very special family. It tore me apart to think of it.

Every Mother's Day since I deal with the same overwhelming bittersweet emotions. I'm so blessed and so thrilled that I get to be "mommy" to the two greatest kids ever. But there's also a pang of sadness, for their beautiful birth mother and her family. Knowing that they're living without these two precious babies. I'm the one who gets the "I lub you, mommy" everyday from a toothless 3 year old. And lots of slobbery wet kisses from the happiest 7 month old ever.

And while I have absolutely no doubt that Heavenly Father meant these children to be mine, it kills me knowing that my joy had to cause someone else so much pain.

So on this day when most mother's are being treated to breakfast in bed and flowers, gifts, cards and so many hugs and kisses, my mind inevitably turns to that special family and their angel daughter who sacrificed so much so that we could finally be a family.

Why I Can Identify with Kirstie Alley

I haven't really been following this season of Dancing with the Stars. At least not to the degree I've followed past seasons. There just wasn't anyone I was really intrigued about when it started. So I generally skip the Monday night dances altogether and only tune in to the last 20 minutes of the Tuesday elimination show just to see who gets kicked off.

However as the season has progressed I've found myself silently rooting for Kirstie Alley. I didn't really realize why until last week when Travis was downstairs and made some comment about her having gotten really fat since her days on "Cheers" and in the movies. It bugged me but I didn't figure out why until later this week. After unloading on my sister Shiloh yesterday about my weight struggles of recent years I realized I am Kirstie Alley.

Okay no, I'm not saying I'm a 60 year old actress who's struggled to find jobs in recent years. But there are several ways in which I can identify with her. Did you know she adopted two children? A boy and a girl. I can certainly identify with that. But mostly it's her well documented struggles with her weight that I totally get. Here's a woman that really had to work hard to remain thin during her heyday in the 80's and 90's on television. And when she started putting on weight after her second sitcom was cancelled the press was absolutely vicious. She tried to make fun of herself in a short lived show called "Fat Actress" but she wasn't happy being that size. That's when she contacted Jenny Craig. Everyone remembers those commercials right? Watching her lose weight and get other celebraties on the program also. And who can forget that moment when she appeared on Oprah in a bikini at the age of 57 looking amazing! It gave hope to millions. Including me. I'd put on so much weight in the course of my marriage I was miserable. And I hated feeling so tired with a brand new baby boy to take care of. I didn't go on Jenny Craig, but I started running and trying to be more concious of what I was eating.

Sadly the weight loss didn't last for Kirstie. What she'd worked so hard to take off, got put back on within a year and half. It's so tough because even though I was running and eating more carefully, my weight didn't seem to change at all. So I went on a diet. It was under the direction of a doctor but it was very restricted calories with a supplement. Had I done it on my own it would have been considered starvation. But it worked I lost 23 pounds. And for over a year I managed to keep it off. And then last fall after Parker was born, things got hectic. I wasn't working out as much. After Travis got laid off and the kids ended up in the hospital I gave up on eating well entirely and I didn't get to work out for nearly two months. The result is that I've put on two-thirds of what I had previously lost. It's disheartening to say the least. It makes me sick to be this size.

The problem is, I only know one way to lose weight. And it's not healthy. But the honest truth is that the only times in my life I've ever lost weight have been when I've restricted calories to the point of starvation or something near to it. I feel helpless. I'm working out and/or running 5-6 days per week, I'm obsessively counting every calorie, carb and fat gram. My food journals contain copious notes, not only about what and when I eat, but how it makes me feel. And yet everyday the scale tells the same sad story. I'll lose a few ounces over several days and then wake up one morning and be right back to where I started. So I'll eat nothing but an apple, cottage cheese and a hard boiled egg all day long and the whole process will start over again.

So as my own struggle to get thin become increasingly more frustrating, I find myself rooting for Kirstie Alley on DWTS each week. I hope she proves them all wrong. I hope she continues to dance her full-bodied self all the way into the final. Because maybe, just maybe if she can do that, I can find something, anything that might work in my own life.

Just waiting for summer!

Did you know that as of today it's been 190 days since we've seen a temperature of 70 degrees or higher? The record for that particular streak is 215. And sadly, we could break that record this year as nothing in the next two weeks shows that we'll be getting any warmer that mid-sixties. Although we have had nicer weather lately. It's been up into the 50 & 60's, so on the few days that there isn't too much wind, we try and get outside with the kiddos. (It doesn't happen often though.)

Parker's getting really good at sitting up. She can't sit herself up, but she doesn't tip over as much as she did and she's trying hard to crawl. I think somewhere I have a video of that I'll have to post sometime.

So lately Gideon hasn't been taking naps. He's an absolute bear in the evenings, but he goes to bed right on time that way and sleeps great through the night. But there have been a few days when he just couldn't take it anymore. And about an hour before bedtime we look over and he's just out. It's pretty cute.

And that's about it from here. We just can't wait for summer to come so we can play outside and go for walks and soak up the sunshine.