Bittersweet

See this girl:

And this boy:

These beautiful babies are the most precious things in the world to me!

I love being a mother. But I kind of hate Mother's Day. I know, I know that's complete blasphemy for me to admit, especially on Mother's Day. But it's just a really hard day for me.

For years it was because Mother's Day was painful. When you're a woman who's reached a certain age and has been married a certain amount of years, the only accessory people seem to look for on your arm is a child. And when all of your attempts to obtain a child either biologically or otherwise, seem not to have panned out, Mother's Day can just seem like a painful reminder of all your failures.

I thought my feelings about this day would change once I became a mother. But in 2008 with a six week old Gideon in my arms was easily my most emotional Mother's day ever. I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude. Both for the chance to be his mother and for the young girl and her family who had sacrificed so much to make me a mother. In addition to the gratitude though, I felt a bit of pain of sadness. Knowing just how much that sacrifice had hurt that very special family. It tore me apart to think of it.

Every Mother's Day since I deal with the same overwhelming bittersweet emotions. I'm so blessed and so thrilled that I get to be "mommy" to the two greatest kids ever. But there's also a pang of sadness, for their beautiful birth mother and her family. Knowing that they're living without these two precious babies. I'm the one who gets the "I lub you, mommy" everyday from a toothless 3 year old. And lots of slobbery wet kisses from the happiest 7 month old ever.

And while I have absolutely no doubt that Heavenly Father meant these children to be mine, it kills me knowing that my joy had to cause someone else so much pain.

So on this day when most mother's are being treated to breakfast in bed and flowers, gifts, cards and so many hugs and kisses, my mind inevitably turns to that special family and their angel daughter who sacrificed so much so that we could finally be a family.