Thursday, July 21, 2011

Never Enough

When I saw the announcement in the paper last week, my heart almost stopped. I was so excited to learn that the wedding of the kids' birthmother had gone forward as planned. I immediately took the wedding gift I'd been saving for her over to the agency and dropped it off so they could get it to her. It wasn't much really. Just a set of dishes I found months ago that made me think of her. They were just her taste and personality. And since she'd told us she was engaged, I went ahead and bought them and saved them for whenever it became appropriate to give her a wedding gift.

Today we got some pictures and a copy of the invitation, with a nice note from her mother about the wedding. It made me so happy to see her looking so well and thrilled me to know that she's now married and won't ever again have to make the same sacrifice that she made for us not once, but twice.

Still my heart broke a little. I gave her dishes. DISHES! A perfectly respectable wedding gift for literally anyone else, but this is a woman who gave me my children. It's because of her that I get to be mommy to the sweetest boy and girl on the planet. And what do I give her? Dishes. Disgusting right? It's just never enough. The necklace for her birthday, the perfume at Christmas, the quilt we made for Parker's placement. I could lasso the moon and give it to her and it wouldn't be enough to express our gratitude. Every holiday and major milestone we celebrate, I try and send her a little gift of somekind. Just a small token to let her know that we love her and we think of her and we're still so grateful to her. But how on earth are these pathetic little material gifts ever supposed to compare with the gifts she's given us? She probably groans every time she opens one of our presents and thinks, "I gave you parenthood twice! And what do you get me? A handbag!?!?!?! Yeah. That's the same." But I know that there's nothing on this earth that can compare with what she's given us.

So for now I'll keep sending my paltry little gifts at the holidays. And just hope that she somehow understands we wish we could do more. Because nothing in life is ever going to match these beautiful babies that I get to wake up to every single morning and rock to sleep each night.


Angela said...

Congratulations to her. What an exciting time! Yeah I can grasp what you mean. A million dollars wouldn't do it ether...dishes while small matter. You still think of her and that is probably what is best.

Darryl and Cindy Cunningham said...

What price can be put on love? Love is not something we give with an expectation of getting anything in return. It is a gift of Christ and anyone with her unselfish heart would never judge your gifts so. She also would never expect to be paid back. She did what she did out of love for her children, then herself and finally you. Any gift you give her in return is accepted and cherished, I am sure, with the warmth and love in which it was given. To know you and Travis love your beautiful babies and her this much is enough.