I Hate This Part!!!!!

I absolutely love adoption. To me it's such a miracle. These birth parents and their families who place children are heros. They're so strong and selfless. I feel blessed to be associated with so many of them.

When we first found out about this baby, our caseworker told us that it would be a very streamlined process since they were just considering it an update of our existing file. He said he'd probably even skip the home study and fingerprinting and stuff because he has an established relationship with us, he knows us, he's been in our home and he felt fine about letting all that go. So he gave us a little bit of paperwork to do and sent us on our way. We got all that done months ago and have been feeling really good about everything.

Imagine my surprise when we get a phone call a couple of weeks ago from someone we've never met or worked with before wanting to schedule a home study. It turns out that they're now using a 3rd party to compile adoption profiles and apparently this guy is very (how do I put this nicely) "letter of the law" oriented.

So now, not only do we have to do the home study and the fingerprinting and everything we thought we weren't going to have to worry about, but we have to hurry up and do it within the next three weeks because Trav's company is sending him to Alaska on August 15th up until the baby gets here. (That's a whole other story, don't get me started!)

I HATE THIS PART! The part where someone has to come into my home and decide if I'm fit to be a parent. It wouldn't seem so bad if it were our caseworker or someone we had worked with and felt comfortable about. The first time we went through this it wasn't so bad because it was our worker's little intern who came out and did our home study. She was thorough and friendly and we felt good about it. She was honest with us that she'd let us know immediately if she saw anything that might cost us getting approved to adopt a child so that we could fix it. She (and our caseworker both) were very open about the fact that they wanted us to get approved to adopt a child, so their job was to do everything they could to help us make that happen. I feel that same way about our current caseworker. He wants this adoption to happen to the benefit of everyone involved.

But I don't know about this 3rd party guy. He's just someone they pay to come in and mark items off on a checklist. So if one of our smoke detectors isn't working or the childproof latches on the cabinets (which Gideon figured out how to work a year ago anyway) aren't up to his standard, we could actually get a big red strike on our paperwork. A strike that could cost us an adoption. So now I feel more compelled than ever to make my house absolutely perfect before they come. But how can I do that when I have to two year who just this morning wet the bed, spilled an entire half gallon of milk and dropped an egg on the floor (he was trying to get his own breakfast rather than come up and get me. I only found him because I heard the crash when he dropped the milk and came running.) I'm just trying desperately to keep up with him!

I can't even put into words how crazy this is making me! I spoke with the guy yesterday and we scheduled the visit for August 14th (the day before Travis leaves) which is actually another item I'm worried about. When I explained to him all of Travis's travel for work he said, "Hmmm...well that's a situation I'm going to need to discuss with you while I'm there." Seriously, our birth mother knows, our case worker knows and they all see that it's working for us for now, but now what, this random guy can come in and decide it's not a healthy situation and potentially keep us from getting this child?

I'm losing it. I'm really losing it. Our baby girl is due 2 months from today and right now for the first time in the process I'm actually questioning whether or not we'll be able to get her. And it's all because of this stupid 3rd party doing the home study.

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the part that's just not fair. Anyone can have a baby and take them home to God only knows what kind of situation and environment, but it's up to someone else to determine whether or not our home is a fit place to raise a child and whether Travis and I can be parents. I really hate this part!