So it's been a long time since one of my overly long rants. Those of you who frequent the pages of this blog will be no stranger to this type of post. As always, you're welcome to skip it.
You know life has been really good lately. For months I've felt good, been sleeping better & have felt like I've just been skipping through life. I mean sure, Gideon is a typical 2 year old who enjoys pushing the boundries and at times makes me want to pull my hair out, but for the most part he's a very loving and sweet boy who makes me laugh with his antics.
But for the last week I've started to feel the pressure. And now I'm not sleeping & getting headaches again. We're getting a new baby in just over two months and suddenly it seems like there's not time or money to get everything done before she gets here. Plus the agency is sending in a 3rd party to do our home study and for some reason that makes me super nervous. I've got such a great relationship with our case worker and the people I work with at the agency that it doesn't worry me at all. But a 3rd party? Who knows what they'll be looking for or judging us on. It's just very intimidating and right now I don't dare schedule the home study because I haven't had time to get my house in order to a degree that satisfies me, let alone someone sent out to judge our fitness as parents.
I think the main problem is, I just feel spread really thin at the moment. My two jobs at church are very demanding. I work with the young women (girls 12-18) and this month we have our annual girls' camp as well as our usual activities and a temple trip. Plus I've been asked to teach more lately, because several of our leaders have been given other jobs, so we don't really have a fully staffed presidency at the moment. And since last August I've also been working with the cub scouts. For those of you who've never worked in scouts before let me just say it's the busiest job I've ever had! It's not just the weekly activities but the scouts have more meetings than anyone! Weekly den meetings, monthly scouting committee meetings, round table & pack meetings and additional trainings. There are some weeks I don't get to spend a single evening at home between the youth and scouts!
I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining, but I'm tired. And for the last two days I've had a severe headache that I'm sure is partially from stress. I've really been trying not to let it get to me, but as of today I feel so overwhelmed that I'm very tempted to tell someone tonight I just want out. And that's so not like me. I've never turned down a job or opportunity before and I've never asked to be released from one. It's just hard because I feel like everyone wants a piece of me and I just want to go into hiding until I can work out all the stuff I need to do for my home and family. I know I'm supposed to be Super Woman, and typically I feel like I'm Super Woman. But right now, I don't even feel like an adequate wife or mother or daughter or sister. So how can I be Super Woman?