So it's been a long time since one of my overly long rants. Those of you who frequent the pages of this blog will be no stranger to this type of post. As always, you're welcome to skip it.
You know life has been really good lately. For months I've felt good, been sleeping better & have felt like I've just been skipping through life. I mean sure, Gideon is a typical 2 year old who enjoys pushing the boundries and at times makes me want to pull my hair out, but for the most part he's a very loving and sweet boy who makes me laugh with his antics.
But for the last week I've started to feel the pressure. And now I'm not sleeping & getting headaches again. We're getting a new baby in just over two months and suddenly it seems like there's not time or money to get everything done before she gets here. Plus the agency is sending in a 3rd party to do our home study and for some reason that makes me super nervous. I've got such a great relationship with our case worker and the people I work with at the agency that it doesn't worry me at all. But a 3rd party? Who knows what they'll be looking for or judging us on. It's just very intimidating and right now I don't dare schedule the home study because I haven't had time to get my house in order to a degree that satisfies me, let alone someone sent out to judge our fitness as parents.
I think the main problem is, I just feel spread really thin at the moment. My two jobs at church are very demanding. I work with the young women (girls 12-18) and this month we have our annual girls' camp as well as our usual activities and a temple trip. Plus I've been asked to teach more lately, because several of our leaders have been given other jobs, so we don't really have a fully staffed presidency at the moment. And since last August I've also been working with the cub scouts. For those of you who've never worked in scouts before let me just say it's the busiest job I've ever had! It's not just the weekly activities but the scouts have more meetings than anyone! Weekly den meetings, monthly scouting committee meetings, round table & pack meetings and additional trainings. There are some weeks I don't get to spend a single evening at home between the youth and scouts!
I don't want to sound like I'm whining or complaining, but I'm tired. And for the last two days I've had a severe headache that I'm sure is partially from stress. I've really been trying not to let it get to me, but as of today I feel so overwhelmed that I'm very tempted to tell someone tonight I just want out. And that's so not like me. I've never turned down a job or opportunity before and I've never asked to be released from one. It's just hard because I feel like everyone wants a piece of me and I just want to go into hiding until I can work out all the stuff I need to do for my home and family. I know I'm supposed to be Super Woman, and typically I feel like I'm Super Woman. But right now, I don't even feel like an adequate wife or mother or daughter or sister. So how can I be Super Woman?
8 comments:
I feel for you Cali & I think that it's ok to feel overwhelmed-I mean think of it this way, you're 7 months prego. I really thought as I read your post, that maybe you should ask to be released. I mean, belly or no belly, you are becoming a mom again & that is alot of work-don't want to have a stressed out momma! Give it some prayer & thought & again I wish we lived closer-then I could give you a big hug :)
Actually, you aren't supposed to be super woman, and you don't have to. Family should always be first, and I think if you are feeling spread too thin, you should tell someone! Love you, and I hope things get better for you!
You've gotten good advice already. But yeah, it is easy for leadership to forget that you're expecting. You need to pray and communicate with the bishop accordingly.
You know I used to be superwoman...once upon a time and then I had my powers stripped. I'm starting to get them back and it is amazing BUT now that I know what it is like to burn out and lose them I'm much more cautious. So be careful. Take care of yourself.
Time to start dropping things. Start with the easy things to say no to and then evaluate and make some harder choices. I know there are people there who love you and are there to help you SO ASK!
Here's a little advice from Darryl Worley. "Sounds like life to me It aint no fantasy, just a common case of everyday reality, Man I know it's tough but you've got to suck it up to here you talk your caught up in some tragedy.sounds like life to me." Honestly I would give anything to only be doing that much right now. but I won't get into that.
Just look on the bright side of everything, and it will get better. I promise.
Take a break. It is okay to do so. Don't worry about me now, Hillary is taking good care of me. Love you and will see you in a couple of weeks!
Oh... and in the wise words of you former 4 yr. old niece, (do the hand motions now) "This too shall pass".
:-)
I agree with many of the comments that you may just need to ask for that break (praying about it first, of course). We all have challenges and face things differently and family definitely should always be first....bishops don't know everything and they don't know things aren't working unless someone tells them! Anyway, you are amazing! Thanks for always sharing things with us and venting...makes me feel more normal!!! :)
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