Inexplicable

Could someone please explain to me why on earth the only place I ever get homesick for is Indiana?


I just don't get it. It doesn't make sense. But it happens. Every year during the fall, when the weather starts to cool I get homesick for a place where I only lived for 5 short years.

When I lived there I couldn't wait to get out. Clay County was just too small and too unimportant. I went to college far away, moved to the rocky mountains and then went to Europe. Still the only place where I've ever felt truly at home is stupid Brazil, Indiana. I guess on some level it's the only place I ever felt like I really belonged.

I lived the first 14 years of my life in Texas and by virtue of being born there, still consider myself a Texan. But I don't get homesick for Weatherford. Or the horse farm where I spent my formative years. I have great memories and wonderful friends from there, but I don't generally have any longing to go back. When I think of Texas I do feel a draw back to it, but I'd never consider returning to the greater Metroplex area. When I imagine maybe one day returning to live in Texas I picture myself in the hill country. Somewhere between San Marcos and Uvalde. Maybe a quiet little place like Campwood. But while I miss the blue bonnets and the quirky little things that set Texas apart, I don't necessarily get homesick.

I've now lived in Idaho for twice as long as I lived in Indiana, and yet somehow I still don't feel at home here. When I travel other places I'm always depressed and cranky about having to return "home" to Idaho. (Instead of feeling relief at getting to return home like most people.) I don't care for the landscape, lava rock and sagebrush really do nothing for me. I've never been awed by the mountains like some people are. Sure it's great to go up to some high point and feel like you're on top of the world for a while. But I've never wanted to live in the mountains. I don't hunt, I don't fish and frankly I don't like snow. I'd be fine in a world where it never snowed. Ever. I don't need it. In other words I spend six months of the year depressed and not wanting to go anywhere or do anything because it means going out in the ice and snow, which as previously stated, I hate. There are good people here, but no one I've felt a particularly close connection with (besides my husband, of course.) Most people who live here are surrounded by family and extended family, so the social structure of this area tends to be fairly family centric. That's not a bad thing. But when your own family is scattered across the country it means that you don't get the opportunity to become close to many people. Still I'm stuck here because the man that I decided to spend eternity with, has never lived any place else and can't imagine leaving. (And you'd better believe if I didn't think he was worth it, I wouldn't still be here. I'd have bought a one way ticket out a long time ago.)

I've lived other places I've absolutely loved. The Carolinas & Holland to name a couple. And I can think of a dozen places I'd love to live if given the opportunity (Charleston, SC is currently at the very top of that list.)

Still I can't think of one good reason why I get so homesick for Indiana. There have been great memories and good friends everywhere I've lived. It completely escapes me why the only place I've felt like I was truly needed and wanted is someplace that I have to constantly explain to people isn't an exotic foreign country, but a small midwestern farm town.