Thursday, February 25, 2010

Is This a Test?

Because if it is I must be failing miserably!

So I ran all winter long, snow, ice, frigid temperatures, wind and the whole deal. I slogged through miles and miles both outdoors and on the treadmill just hoping that one day I'd be able to complete a race in a decent time.

I tried in Myrtle Beach. But they cancelled the race, so although I ran it was kind of a hollow victory. I was glad I'd already registered to run the Disney Princess Half Marathon on March 7th, because at least that gave me something to keep working for and look foward to. (Plus, bonus, I get a trip to FLORIDA!)

Back in Myrtle Beach I finally had that moment. It was about mile 7. Well, somewhere between miles 7 & 11 when I just felt on fire. It was amazing. I could feel my body working, doing the job it's supposed to do, all the parts working together to keep propelling me forward. My head was clear, my eyes were focused and I felt awesome. I remember thinking as I ran past all the people chilling out on Ocean Blvd. that this must be why people keep running. I won't call it a runner's high, but it was awesome. I felt powerful and quick and although I'd been running so long I was clearly sweating and red-faced, I felt beautiful and strong. It was truly incredible. I wanted to keep running forever. That's the moment I really made up my mind to be a runner for life.

And then came that moment in the last mile. That moment I felt pain in my knee and down my calf. I kept pushing, moving forward, sure I could finish. And of course I did. And I haven't been able to walk correctly since. I've been to two different doctors. I've heard several different possible explanations for the burning pain in my knee. Right now it could be tendonitis or stress fractures.

But I was certain it would get better. Ice, elevate, rest, I was doing everything right. I haven't run since MB. But it's just not improving. And today the dream came crashing down. The doctor gave me a choice actually. Don't run for a month and give it time to properly heal. OR run in 10 days and run the risk of further injury and not running anymore ever. I'll be honest with you, I was crying when I chose the former option. So no race at Disney World next weekend. No tiara on my head or crown shaped finisher's medal. No feeling of victory that I actually, finally accomplished a race. We'll still go to Disney that weekend, afterall, the tickets have already been purchased and Gideon and Lily are entered in the kid's races. But I'll feel a pang seeing all the other runners. Knowing that should be me.

Dr. said today that I could still bike and swim and do other activities that aren't putting so much pressure directly on that joint. But no running for a month. With any luck I'll be back in time for the SLC Marathon April 17th. But that time who knows if I'll be able to run at all given that I'll be out of shape.

So is this a test? And if so why am I being tested and what am I supposed to learn? That I'm not supposed to be a runner? I refuse to buy into the B.S. dumped on me by some people in my life who are now insisting that "we told you all along running is bad for you." I want to run if only to get back to that place internally that I finally accessed along Ocean Blvd. in Myrtle Beach. That place where I felt truly strong, beautiful and powerful, even if it was only for a few miles.


Jessica said...

That sounds awful! Especially when it means so much to you. You're such a strong person and I know that whatever happens you'll see the best in it. Have fun on your trip and wear a tiara, you are a princess afterall!

The Clegg Family said...

So you can't even try braces or taping your knee? Keep your head up, and yeah we get to see you in April :)

Amber Dawn said...

Cali, I'm so sorry. This probably is a test. How well can you take it easy? Even after you're cleared to run, take it easy coming back. Hey, maybe when you start running again, I'll be caught up to you and we can run together!

Darryl and Cindy Cunningham said...

I think it's a test of your patience. Endure it well my dear and the rewards will be even sweeter.

Reanda said...

I too am being tested. Not in running but in other parts of my life. Hang in there. once the weather turns get the Five Fingers and keep running. I firmly believe the secret to injury free running is doing it barefoot. We both know life is very hard. Just keep your chin up and cross train, swim and bike if you can do those things and you will be in fine shape for the Marathon in April. BTW, that's the date of my first 5k!! Have fun in Disney!

Mike and Ashley said...

Yes...the test is life and your body is human and mortal, unfortunately! I don't think running is bad for you, but I do think it can be hard on joints at times and your joint just decided it needed a break! So sorry for the disappointment! I hope that you heal super fast and get to run the next race...keep doing things to keep your cardio level up and hopefully you should be ok for the marathon!

Guffey Family said...

It seems to me that since Travis has gotten his crock pot to the apartment safely, he won't need the shopping cart any more. It would make a perfect wheelchair!

Lombardo Family said...

Oh Cali, I'm so sorry. Don't give up! You'll heal and then be back to pounding the road.