You know, I've made peace with the fact that I'll never be the same high-maintenance, obsessive neat freak, gym junkie that I was before we got Gideon. In most areas of my life, I'm actually doing okay with it. My family especially will be impressed to hear that I went to sleep the other night with dirty dishes in the sink and laundry unfolded in baskets. Stranger still is admitting that there are some days when I don't get my make-up on or my hair done at all. And even more surprising, it doesn't bother me like I thought it would.
What's really tearing me apart is the fact that I haven't had any real exercise in three weeks. See I love the gym. The gym is my friend. I love sweating out all of the stress and worry from my day and coming home exhausted to the point that I don't stress or worry about anything unimportant. It is also where I think. We all have our places where we can meditate, ponder and reflect on our lives. Mine just happens to be when I'm lifting weights or running. Some of the solutions to my biggest problems and life's greatest mysteries have occured to me on a treadmill or a spinning bike. (I swear sometimes I pray for something and the Lord waits until I'm completely sweaty and red in the face to give me an answer.) Not to mention that there are the added benefits of exercise, I have more energy, I look better and I feel better.
But now that we have Gideon, it seems like a different ball game. On the one hand, I have people telling me that I still need to take time for me and do little things for myself each day. On the other hand after all the waiting and hoping and pleading and praying, it almost feels wrong to leave him to go do something for me. I mean, I had more than 30 years of only doing things for myself, so it seems selfish to leave him for a couple of hours each day so I can get my sweat induced endorphine high.
And yet, I know that I need it. I'm literally going through withdrawl I think. I'm restless even though I'm more tired and lethargic, I feel cranky and bloated (and no it's not PMS) my skin is beginning to look pale and break out a little more, (I'm losing that healthy glow I always have) and I'm starting to get more stress and tension headaches again. (Thanks to office politics which have somehow reached me even though I'm on leave, the stress level has been spiking like crazy the last week.) And I lie awake in bed obsessing about what I ate and what I didn't do to burn it off. (I know I have the world's worst eating habits, but part of why I exercise is so that I can support the world's worst eating habits.)
So I need exercise. I would compromise and pack Gideon in the stroller and go for brisk walks but, HELLO! I live in stupid Idaho! Between the snow and the wind and the biting cold, no way am I taking my newborn out in that.
What can I do? Is it selfish to get my daily gym fix? Or do I need that "me" time to keep from losing my mind? I don't know. I'm open to suggestions.
This is just a picture of his cuteness that I hadn't posted yet. (I don't think.)
Gideon likes to stretch. He does his exercises everyday. I'm jealous!
8 comments:
Remember, I only live a couple of blocks away and I wouldn't mind one bit watching the handsome little guy while you get some exercise. Keep that in mind and call me when you can't stand it any longer!
I wish I could give you suggestions, but since I haven't been in your shoes, I am not really sure what I would do. In fact, I've never really even thought about it much, but hopefully I will have that struggle someday! :) But I say to go ahead and get some "me" time! I bet the gym misses you too! And I bet Travis would love that time with little Gideon!
Try doing a pilates DVD or getting a treadmill. Davy used to love it when I'd bench press him or give him airplane rides on my knees. (I can't do those things anymore!) Even though it's not your regular workout it'll at least make you feel better until you're ready to go to the gym or until it warms up!
Okay, here is our 2 cents worth, and since we are your parents it should count for at least 4 cents.
The one thing Gideon needs more than time with mommy is a physically and emotionally HAPPY and HEALTHY mommy to spend that time with! Your husband needs the same thing in a wife.
Why not start out scheduling one hour of exercise twice a week. Maybe Gideon can go spend some special "me" time with Nana and Papa and you go to the gym for some special "Cali" time. Believe me, you will feel much better and realize that even that little bit of a work out is a big health booster for you. If it is too much, cut back, if you need more add another 1/2 hour a day.
Nana and Papa will enjoy the time with their grandson and they will appreciate the trust you have in them. Travis will like the health changes he will see in you and you will feel 100 times better mentally and physically. You and Gideon will be the big winners because his mommy will be happier and healthier and have a lot more energy to take a lot more pictures of him being really cute!
Do this sweetie. Love you.
Your parrents pretty much summed it up for me.
Gideon will be happier if is mommy is happy and healthy!
Take it from a Mom who's been there. You haven't had him long enough to have felt it yet, but if you spend every waking hour focused on him and don't ever take time out for your self...there will come a point when you're sitting and holding your darling baby WISHING someone else was holding him! Trust me, that is much worse than leaving him for a few hours a week while both of you are happy!
You're an awsome Mom! Have faith in that and do what works for you!
I agree with your parents and my dear wife. Take some time for yourself, once those good habits are broken it will be nearly impossible to get them back.
Remember the talk from conference about filling your own well so those you love can drink from it? Exercise is def. part of that. I have struggled with this for 6 years because my oldest was very difficult and colicky and wouldn't even sit in a stroller long enough for a walk.
We just recently decided to get some equipment here at the house because taking 4 kids to the gym this summer sounds awful to me (esp. since I need to exercise everyday!) Plus, in the summer here, it doesn't cool off until 9:30PM and I don't like walking in the dark late at night by myself.
This may sound like a trite thing to pray about, but I pray about it all the time because I consider it a necessity in my life and very difficult to schedule in with children (esp. the more children you have!) I think if you pray about it you'll find a good answer that is right for you and Gideon both!
Well, I don't have family that is close enough for me to drop them off for time at the gym...I love to exercise too! So I have resorted to many different exercise DVDs. I do them usually when Jackson is up and he does them with me and Payten is down for a nap. It is really important for my own sanity to get that done and then I feel more energized to be able to do my other chores throughout the day and play with the kiddos. We also bought an eliptical, which is also nice and I do if I am bored with my videos. I think you should just exercise and do what you can...it may not be as much as it was before or even the same routine, but you do what you can and that will make you feel so much better (emotionally and physically).
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