Please tell me the secret all you mothers out there. I especially admire those of you with more than one child. See, ever since this precious boy came to us, I don't think I've been dressed before noon but maybe twice. He's so awake and alert during the morning hours that all I want to do is spend time with him. Housework, real work and getting ready don't seem to matter when I can spend time just looking at my son. I wonder if something's wrong with me. I'm supposed to be past this "honeymoon" phase by now aren't I? And yet, even now I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I look at him sleeping so peacefully and find myself amazed that he's really finally here. And he's ours. And yet, it seems like life before him is so long ago that it's hard to remember. Hasn't he always been part of our family? How am I supposed to go back to "normal" life? How can I possibly ever be "normal" again? As un-maternal as I am instinctively, I'm a mom now. Some days I still can't believe it. Each morning I wake up to the cutest sounds and I feel like pinching myself to make sure I'm really awake. That it's not just a dream. Has God really seen fit to bless me with the most perfect baby boy in the world? Most days it seems too good to be true.
So instead of taking a shower and getting dressed and being productive, I stay in my pj's and talk to him. And tell him how special he is. How much we love him. How much his birth mother loved him. I look into those huge eyes and promise him that while I'm far from perfect, I'll do my absolute best to be a good mom. And I ask him to be patient with me as I'm just learning. I'm sure I'll make mistakes along the way. Most importantly I remind him what a miracle he is for all of the lives he's touched in his short four weeks on earth.
Someday I suppose I'll have to go back to something resembling a "normal" routine. Life will demand that I learn to put him in a seat or a swing and take a shower before 8:00am. To start and finish my day on something of a typical schedule. And maybe someday I'll actually start being productive again.
Until that time, I can only hope that something of what I tell him will be imprinted on his sweet spirit. So that even if he doesn't necessarily remember our quality time, he'll never ever doubt how much we love him.
7 comments:
Your the best mommy!
Take this time and enjoy every minute of it! You both deserve it. Don't worry about the normal routine now, it will happen when it has to. I cried and about made myself sick the night before I had to go back to work when Stephen was six weeks old. And now he will be 10 this summer! YIKES! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! It all goes so fast! He is the cutest thing - but of course you know that, huh Mom?
Sounds like you have the perfect life, enjoy it! One thing I did when Davy was a baby was take him in the bathroom with me while I showered. That way I could peek at him every 10 seconds and I didn't feel like I was abandoning him.
I love the sitting up pic. I have to hold myself back from smooching the computer screen! Chubby cheeks are a weakness of mine!
Stay in your p.j.'s! I hope the "honeymoon phase" never ends for you!
P.S. I was surprised to read you are un-maternal in your everyday life? That doesn't seem possible? Please explain!
Don't ever let the honeymoon phase end. It shouldn't as far as I am concerned. Soak it up . Each phase is a new phase and it is like a honeymoon since it is all new and exciting. I have my 7yr old and still look at her in amazement that I am "her" mom. It's unbeleivable. Everything else can wait. How blessed you are to be at home with him. I feel jealous that I haven't been able to enjoy my baby that way that you have. As long as the health department is not called then things can wait. I don't think that there is any way that these precious spirits that are placed could not know how special they are. So many thoughts. Mine have started to settle a little since placing Calli. It has been just over 7months. Her mom says that she thinks about it everyday still but the intensity is not there to the point that she cries as often as she use to. It's a miracle that can't be forgotten. You will look at him everyday and feel the way you do now. There is no way to ever forget the journey that it took to get him here.
"Normal" will never be the same again.
You just take your time. Have SMALL and FEW goals each day. But more than anything you sit back and treasure this time.
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